Followers

Monday, 7 May 2012

The White C**k


(Title inspiration courtesy D. H. Lawrence)
And now a fairness cream for men’s privates!
Why? Do you think it is bizarrely farfetched?
But so was the fairness cream for face yesteryear! But it came, it saw (?) and it conquered!!
And so was it for women’s privates, but it has come and will stay!
I only wonder who all celebrities will endorse it...and how?
What will be the catch line in the ad? Will it sound weird in family TV rooms?
If it rhymes with the old “It’s not the length but the strength that matters”, then will it read “It’s not the flavour but the colour that matters”?
Or will it replace the time tested “Size does matter” with “Colour does matter”?
It can even be “White is right” in place of olden “Might is right”.
Next, how the users will flaunt their fair wee wees, for if they can’t what the heck is the use of it then?
I’m very hopeful of the grand success of the product for the same reasons as were conceived when it was launched for women.
An eerie white rooster (synonym used) will attract a ghastly white cat (synonym used) more easily.
And will it find mention in matrimonial too? Will the fair asset be an addition to the package? (both puns intended).
And how the women with a fetish for fairness will react? (After all they will contribute at least 50% to the fate of the product). Will they prefer a fair finch over a dark hawk?
Well, in my India where nature has given us a wonderful range of  light brown to dark brown to wheatish  to tan to swarthy to real dark- all very beautiful skin tones- I’m sure some definitely will go for a white willow leaving a black oak!
And that will open a whole new vista for the next beauty product: a fairness cream for men’s areolas!
Please don’t smile or fret...even that is not too farfetched!
(...and if you don’t like my post  you can criticise or condemn it, call me names or abuse me, even slap me or punch me . I shall welcome all reactions you guys being my friends, but please don’t hit me below the belt...it’s not fair!) J(pun unintentional)J


26 comments:

  1. ha ha ha... how poised and at the same time you said what you had intended to say. A great piece to learn the writing as an art in black and white:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :)thanks a lot Neeraj for your liking and appreciating it:D

      Delete
  2. Lovely... The Tanned have always been my favorite...i'm racially disposed off against the white.. (All the Pun intended)

    Terrific Post....Amitji

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :)thank you so much Anupam for your lovely comment:D

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. :) thanks Subho:D...for the glance:D

      Delete
  4. You know, Amitji, one of my friends is actually working on his Ph.d. thesis on fairness market for men and what are the sociological undercurrents which now use and thrust upon men the same insecurities that women have--albeit in a whole different way. After all, was not our Krishna, Rama and Shiva traditionally the "dark-ones?" Something has happened in the last couple of decades...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Bhavana for your agreeing:)

      Delete
  5. Dunno if girls like fair men but personally I would loathe men using fairness creams...Its so unmanly ha ha...Whatever happened to Tall Dark and Handsome?

    ReplyDelete
  6. :) ditto by me, Jaish, Thanks for agreeing!

    ReplyDelete
  7. neither sis i smile nor fret but yr post did bring a smile on my face ... awesome !

    ReplyDelete
  8. That ad and the product is not only offensive to women but it is offensive to men as well. I mean, men don't expect or prefer their women to have 'fair' private parts. That's disgusting. I know majority of men don't think that way. I wonder from where those morons got the idea for this product.

    But your post was hilarious Sir. Don't worry I won't abuse or criticize you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hilarious post AmitAag! And so right to the point!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot! and thank you for visiting too...plz make it more often!

      Delete
  10. Packed with puns. But this is serious issue. Perhaps you're right, we might have to see days where all of the above happens. Posts like this could be looked at as an effort to nip the fairness revolution that's already gone too far. I don't think anybody would criticize you for it.
    On a lighter note, you have a future -- as an ad copy writer. What creativity! :) I hadn't realised that the use of certain synonyms could add a pinch of pleasant humour to a piece like this.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ...a copy writer of an ad for a fairness cream? :) no way Divya! Thanks loadz for a wonderful critical analysis of my post- subject contents as well as presentation wise, and appreciating it! I'm grateful,...and encouraged to come up with more:) thanks again:)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great post..with lots of pun... intended or unintentional!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks lots Laxmi...glad you liked it:)

      Delete
  13. The concept is creepy, weird and hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome here KayEm, and thanks! Plz come again:)

      Delete